candle and wick
i'm just your average 20 year-old girl documenting her weight loss experiences as she goes. i'm solitary and idealistic but i like life that way.

height: 5'5
starting weight: 124 lbs
current weight: 120.5 lbs

measurements:
waist - 26 (-1.0)
hips - 33.5 (-0.5)
thighs - 21 (-1.0)

[ ] goal weight #1: 120 lbs
[ ] goal weight #2: 115 lbs
[ ] ugw: 110 lbs
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Here’s why.

  1. I’m worried that by restricting my calorie intake so much, I’m going to completely murder my metabolism and start burning the muscle that I’m trying to gain.
  2. I’m getting into a really bad headspace - constantly worrying about eating in case it will make me gain weight. 
  3. It’s turning me into a miserable human being. I’m treating people around me like crap. This isn’t the kind of person I am.
  4. Most of all I’m treating myself like crap. I’m becoming depressed about my body, more than just simply unsatisfied.
  5. The guilt. I don’t want to feel guilty for eating. Our bodies need nourishment to function. I shouldn’t feel like eating is the worst possible thing I can do to myself. The thoughts I have about food sometimes are crazy!
  6. Once I get off the skinny girl diet, I’m going to either have trouble maintaining my weight and start gaining it back once I start eating normally, or I won’t even start eating normally - I’ll continue to restrict and restrict, and end up destroying myself.

I want to have a good relationship with my body. Yes, I’m unhappy with my body and I’m going to work on it as hard as I can, but I don’t want to sacrifice my mental health. It may take longer to lose weight a healthier way, but at least I will be happy doing it.

After having experienced clinical depression, I can feel myself slipping back into that same space, and I don’t want to be there again.

Now this is nothing against anyone who is doing the SGD, because it may very well work for you and it’s your choice to do it, but it simply isn’t working at all for me, mentally.

That is all.

(Source: souled---out, via only-thinness)

(Source: snowdrops-fireflys, via invisiblelegs-deactivated201303)

I will be kicking my own ass on the treadmill tomorrow morning.

Seriously. I’ve never owned a proper pair of running shoes. But now I want to.

myplanforperfection:

Keep goingg.

myplanforperfection:

Keep goingg.

(Source: live--love--fitness)

Breakfast: oatmeal and coffee (152)

Lunch: apple (0)

Snack: coffee (32), trail mix (98)

Dinner: vegetables (0)

Exercise: 20 minutes of abs/legs workouts (-66)

TOTAL: 216/650

I’d say it was a pretty good day! I stuck to my plan for the day, and now I’m drinking green tea and watching Modern Family. Life is good! :)

(Source: , via stay-hydrat3d)

So this is a little embarrassing for me to post since I’m not exactly where I want to be, but this is a difference of 10 days - the picture on the left is me about 10 days into the HSGD, and the picture on the right is me today, at day 20. I only wish I had taken a picture the first day I started, but this will be good enough.

Basically I’m putting this here so I have something to look back on to see that I am making progress and that my body is changing. It may not look like much to you, but it helps me. I can’t get discouraged.

So I’ve decided that it just makes more sense for me to switch over to the regular skinny girl diet, since that’s what I seem to be doing anyway - so I’ll just be picking up on Day 19 of that plan rather than the HSGD. We’ll see how it goes! If I find it too restrictive I might switch back.

Breakfast: coffee (40)

Exercise: treadmill (-261)

Lunch: poached egg (80), cracker (33)

Snack: coffee (32)

Dinner: chicken (64), crab and avocado salad (90)

TOTAL: 78/500

Still came out under the limit without exercise; today was a good start!